Songs I've Written & Performed this Month

I, like Snow White's dwarfs, enjoy "whistling" while I work. As I can't whistle, I've improvised. With my impeccable ability to remember an array of tunes, yet forget all lyrics, I have parodied many a melody to fit whatever mindless activity I may be doing.

And now, I will share with you, dear reader, this month's selected collection of songs I have sung, mostly, to myself.

Song Title:  “These Jeans!”
To the tune of:  “These Dreams” by Heart.
Location of Performance:  Marshall’s off of Hollywood and Western. 
Lyrics: “THESE JEEEEANS are awesome and I just might diiiiiiie. Only niiiiiineteen ninty-five! And then they can be miiine."
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​Song Title:  “Banana”
To the tune of:   “Fever” by someone who probably doesn’t get paid royalties.
Location of Performance:  My kitchen.
Lyrics: “Gonna get a banana.   . . .  BANANA! . . .  Banana when you kiss me, Banana when you hold me tight…” a brief pause. Then, slowly, ending the song, “That. is. not. what. Bananaaaaas,"  (breath in) "dooooooooooo.”

Song Title:  “Fresh Air, Please.”
To the tune of:  Less of a tune, more of a cheer/chant with stomps and claps.
Location of Performance:  My bathroom.
From the Album:  Defecation Nation
Lyrics: “Fresh. Air. Up. In. Hurr." (stomp) "Fresh Air. Up in Hurr.” 

Song Title: “More than likely, Sex.”
To the tune of:  Some song from Jock Jams Vol. 1... possibly Vol. 2. 
Location of Performance:  Mark Rohner’s car. 
Lyrics: “You gonna get that dick today! You gonna get that dick today! You gonna get you gonna get you gonna get you gonna get you gonna get that dick today!”

Song Title: “More than Likely Sex: Part 2” 
To the tune of:  “The Hustle” by Van McCoy. 
Location of Performance:  Performed immediately after "More than Likely, Sex" in Mark Rohner’s car.
Lyrics: “Dick dick dick da dick da da dick dick Dick dick dick da dick GET SOME DICK NOW!... ”

Song Title: “Red Protein (Hemoglobin)” 
To the tune of:  “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by somebody who didn’t realize they should have fucking titled it “In the Jungle”. Also, more than likely, not getting paid enough in royalties.
Location of Performance:  At my desk responding to emails. 
Lyrics: “He mo globin, HE mo globIN, He mo gloOOObiiin. He mo globin. HE mo globIIIn, HE mo GloooOOObiiiin. Ahhhh HEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEeeeeee HE MO GLO-O-O-BIN.”

Song Title: “Almost Laundry”
To the tune of:  A Frank Sinatra-like song. Similar to  "My Way". Sung as though I’m that distant cousin at great-grandmother’s funeral who is very emotional, and was not invited to sing, but felt compelled to at her grave-side.
Location of Performance:  On bended knee, searching under my dresser for a fallen quarter.
Lyrics:  “She was always just a quarter aaawwwwaaaay.. from doing her lauuuundry.”

Song Title:  “#2” 
To the tune of:  “U Guessed It” by OG Maco (but let's be honest, I heard the Lil Wayne version first, and listen to that one more... How do them royalties work?)
Location of Performance:  On my toilet while my phone was ringing in the next room.
From the Album:  Defecation Nation
Lyrics: “BITCH I’M POOPING. …. WOO.”

Song Title:  “Highland Ave.”
To the tune of:  Praise & Worship hit “Hunger & Thirst” (How do THOSE royalties work?..)
Location of Performance:  In my car on Highland Avenue in Hollywood Bowl traffic. 
Lyrics: “I’m waiting for traffic to move. I’m waiting for traffic to MOOOOOoooove. In the desert of my days. Just wishing I didn’t have to stay. In this mother fucking gridlock for todAAAAYYY. I really need traffic to moooooove.”

Laura is currently an unsigned musician. For bookings, please don't.